Month: December 2006

HP Software sucks.

Sucks Sucks Sucks!

I spent several hours today attempting to set up my new printer. The first fifteen minutes went by with a breeze, unplugging the old printer, plugging in the new, and testing out the nifty copy feature.

Then came the dreaded HP Software install. I dropped in the CD and let the process begin.

First I was presented with a choice of an extremely bloated install (~400 mb of data) or a wildly ridiculously bloated install (1.2 gb! Seriously, wtf?!). I opted for the smaller install, which then kicked off the installation of a crapload of useless, buggy HP software, all completely unrelated to actually configuring the printer.

Finally as the install nears completion, the installer decides the computer needs to be rebooted. I go for it, figuring what else is new? The computer reboots, I log on, and the software picks up.

The Windows gives me a great message saying that it has detected some unauthorized activity. On top of installing more crappy, buggy software than even moderately necessary, the fundamental software required to make the whole shebang work actually accesses Windows in an authorized fashion? What kind of crappy programmers work at this company?

Having demonstrated that before the software was released no one at HP actually attempted to install it on a Windows XP computer, I step through a few more screens of the install wizard, give up on the harrassment for my registration info, and attempt to use the printer.

Whoops, the printer is now permanently stuck at offline. That big, fat HP software can scan (nifty), but as a printer it’s a total failure. Go freakin’ figure.

I poke about, trying to reinstall the key software or to re-add the printer. Nothing doing.

I read the HP website, and their great advice is to uninstall and then re-install the whole software package. Great, that’s how I want to spend another hour. And why the hell would it work the second time if it didn’t work the first?

I downloaded the corporate drivers, installed those, and success! I can print.

So I try launching one of those bloatware programs that are supposed to control the printer. It does some “re-configuring”, insists on rebooting, and then doesn’t find the printer nor can I print anymore. Totally useless.

Now I’ve removed all the bloatware (except HP Image Zone Express, which refuses to provide any method to uninstall). I’ve removed and reinstalled the corporate versions of the drivers. The printer works again.

Now to see if it will still work after a reboot.

Nice work, HP programmers. You get a C for Craptastic.

Update: I did get the corporate edition drivers to work, but I had to manually configure some steps after I rebooted the machine. And there’s still no way to remove Image Zone Express. Seriously, HP, you clearly haven’t laid off the right people.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ?kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter?s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer.

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of Toys, and St Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ?ere he drove out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

Merry Christmas everyone!

I’ve been wondering for some time when the movie press would realize that the true measure of the success of a movie has very little to do with the box office receipts and everything to do with the actual DVD sales. I have no idea if Snakes on a Plane will or won’t be a success based on the DVD sales, but Time is certainly wrong to indict it at this point without using the overall gross of the movie (including early DVD sales) in its picture of health.

There was a time when the box office take made up a significant part of the overall return of a movie. Now it’s meaningless for the most part. Blame the new media landscape and the accessibility provided in the long tail, but personally, I happen to like it this way.

I have no idea if it’s true or not, but I finally have some idea of what the payouts are for the Amazing Race.