Rutgers lost to Cincinnati, but rather than be pissed I’ll post something funny instead. Watch the video, then you can refer back to the transcript after. This video cracks me up even though I’ve probably watched it thirty or more times now since I was first introduced to it.
(Beat starts)
(Heavy breathing)
Voice 1 and Voice 2 (Harmonizing): Ahhhhh… Washington, Washington. 6 foot 8 weighs a fucking ton. Opponents beware, opponents beware, he’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming.
Voice 1: Let me lay it on the line he had two on the vine. I mean two sets of testecles so divine.
Voice 2: On a horse made of crystal he patrolled the land with the mason ring and schnauzer and his perfect hands.
Voice 1: Here comes George, in control. Women dug his snuff and his gallant stroll.
Voice 2: Ate opponents’ brains…
Voice 1: And invented cocaine…
Voice 1 and Voice 2: He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming.
Voice 1 and Voice 2: Washington, Washington. 6 foot 20 fucking killing for fun. Spread, spread Delaware. He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming.
Voice 1: Sue me if I go too fast but the sons of his opponents wish that he was their dad.
Voice 2: Got a wig for his wig, got a brain for his heart.
Voice 1 and Voice 2: He’ll kick you apart.
Voice 1 and Voice 2: He’ll kick you apart.
Voice 1 and Voice 2: Oooh!
Voice 1 and Voice 2: He’ll save children but not the British children.
Voice 1 and Voice 2: He’ll save children but not the British children.
Voice 1 and Voice 2: He’ll save children but not the British children.
Voice 1 and Voice 2: He’ll save children but not the British children.
Voice 2: He had a pocket full of horses, fucked the shit out of bears, threw a knife in to heaven and could kill with a stare.
Voice 1: He made love like an eagle falling out of the sky, killed his sensei in a duel…
Voice 1 and Voice 2: And he never said why!
Voice 1 and Voice 2: Washington, Washington. 12 stories high made of radiation. The present beware, the future beware, he’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming.
Voice 2: Did I mention his four nuts?
Voice 1: Well he also had four dicks.
Voice 2: If you took off his boots you’d see the dicks growing off his feet.
Voice 1: Well, I heard that motherfucker had, like, thirty goddamn dicks.
Voice 2: He once held an opponent’s wife’s hand… in a jar of acid… at a party.
(Heavy breathing continues)