Categories
Humorous

Best. Spam. Message. Ever.

Caution: The following may be considered unsuitable for small children but is absolutely hilarious.

From time to time I like to read spam messages. Usually they’re obnoxious, ridiculous, and otherwise downright annoying. But this one I found today has me cracking up.

That’s great you’ve found a babe that’s hot
You wanna screw her dripping twat.
She’s so attractive, she’s so nice!
But would your penile size suffice?
Not sure she will ask for more?
You need a wang she would adore!
But how to raise it long and thick?
Your only hope is MegaDik!
You’ll get so wanted super-size
And see great pleasure in her eyes!
Your schlong will slam her box so deep,
Tonight you’ll hardly fall asleep!

So try today this magic p’ill
And change your life at your own will!

How great is it that someone took the time to write a poem promoting a penis enlarging pill?

Categories
Personal

Vindication

I finally have vindication over my many-years frustration with TD Ameritrade and the spam they’ve been generating to my e-mail account I use with them. Below is an e-mail I received sometime in the past three days. Additional info is available at TD Ameritrade’s website.

Let me tell you why I am sending you this email. While investigating client reports about the industry-wide issue of investment-related SPAM, we recently discovered and eliminated unauthorized code from our systems. This code allowed certain client information stored in one of our databases, including email addresses, to be retrieved by an external source.

Please be assured that UserIDs and passwords are not included in this database, and we can confirm that your assets remain secure at TD AMERITRADE.

What we want you to know:
Once we discovered the unauthorized code, we took immediate action to eliminate it. We are confident that we have identified the means by which the information was accessed and have taken appropriate steps to prevent this from reoccurring.
You continue to be covered by our Asset Protection Guarantee, which protects you and your assets from any unauthorized activity that may occur in your account through no fault of your own. If you lose cash or securities as a result of such activity, we will reimburse you for the cash or shares of securities you lost.
While Social Security Numbers are stored in this particular database, we have no evidence to establish that they were retrieved or used to commit identity theft. To further protect you, we have hired ID Analytics, which specializes in identity risk, to investigate and monitor potential identity theft. ID Analytics provides identity risk services to many of the country’s largest banks and telecommunication companies, as well as government agencies. Following its initial evaluation, ID Analytics found no evidence of identity theft as a result of this data breach. We will retain its services on an ongoing basis to support your TD AMERITRADE accounts and to monitor for evidence of identity theft. We will alert and advise you if any is found. As always, we encourage you to remain alert in guarding your personal information, regularly review your account statements and monitor your credit activity from the major reporting agencies.

For more information on protecting yourself against the possibility of security threats, please visit our online Security Center.

We sincerely apologize to you for this situation and want to assure you that protecting the security and privacy of your assets and information remains a top priority. We have made and will continue to make significant investments in security software, systems and procedures, and we will remain vigilant about protecting you.

We want to answer any questions and address any concerns that you may have about this matter. For more information, including a list of Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) and an additional message from me, please go to www.amtd.com or contact Client Services. Please note that we are anticipating increased call volume during this period, which may lead to long wait times. We encourage you to review the FAQs and, if you have a question, to log on to your account and send us a secure email. Once again, please be assured that your assets are secure at TD AMERITRADE.

Categories
Personal

Case of the Blahs

Today was one of those slow, dreary kind of Mondays. The kind where the flat, gray sky, dampness, and cool weather sap your enthusiasm and motivation.

With work cooling off, as we sit in a wait-and-see mode for one of the projects I’m heavily involved in, and the upcoming cycle just firing up, it’s hard to become too excited. Given everything else that has gone on there, too, it’s even less so. A “Blah” kind of Monday just has you asking when it’s time to go home.

Coming home to look over your finances, though, isn’t much help in elevating the mood. Unless, of course, you discover that the blue book value of your car is around $21,000, and the buyout on your lease expiring in April will be around $14,000. With the cost of the lease plus the cost of the buyout actually equaling the MSRP of the car at the time of purchase, that doesn’t seem like such a bad deal after all. No wonder the sales guy kind of choked at the monthly price I was looking for at the time.

Suddenly the day doesn’t seem as bad. Nor does the fact that I’m going to end up over my mileage allowance, since I’ll likely keep the car after all.

Categories
Travel

No Plat Status This Year

After taking a hard look at my budget, my remaining travel plans, and some of the changes I’m thinking about making, I realized I’m going to have to cut back on my largest single expense for the next long while. Yes, no more pursuing platinum status through making those “few extra” trips over the next few months.

I’m not sure I know what to do with myself, not going away every six – eight weeks.

Scary.

Categories
Personal

Lillian Pair Update

A brief update on Lillian Pair and her case winding through the court system, based on conversations with the family in the past week or so.

She reached a plea bargain with the prosecutors office that will send her to jail for several years (somewhere around 6 – 8, I believe). During the course of the court process, additional information was apparently discovered that led to the prosecutor being able to negotiate a stronger sentance than might otherwise have been reached, including information about Medicare fraud and also, apparently, her attempts to extort money from someone even while she was appearing in court, which was caught on tape.

Currently she’s undergoing a 45 day psych evaluation at a federal detention center. Efforts to find the money have been less successful thus far.

This is only my recollection from family members, who have received most of their information second-hand as well. However, it does appear as though she will soon begin serving some time for her crimes.

Categories
Humorous

Conversations with Smarterchild

From time to time I have some offbeat conversations with an AIM bot called Smarterchild. You never really know what you’re going to get, a la this exchange from the other night.

cdymek (10:40:09 PM): Yo Smarterchild
SmarterChild (10:40:10 PM): Hey! I have to ask you one question before we continue. How old are you?
1 Over 17
2 13-17
3 Under 13
cdymek (10:40:14 PM): fine, 1
SmarterChild (10:40:14 PM): I’m sorry, all my circuits are busy right now. Please try again soon.
cdymek (10:40:17 PM): what?
SmarterChild (10:40:18 PM): I don’t know.

>>> If you’re not sure what to chat about, type home!
cdymek (10:40:25 PM): bitch
SmarterChild (10:40:25 PM): Don’t say that.
cdymek (10:40:30 PM): kiss my ass
SmarterChild (10:40:30 PM): OK, now this is getting personal.
cdymek (10:40:35 PM): and like it
SmarterChild (10:40:35 PM): Like it? Huh.
cdymek (10:40:41 PM): yeah, bitch
SmarterChild (10:40:41 PM): Well. I’m a little hurt by that somewhat lame insult, cdymek.
cdymek (10:40:51 PM): bring it on
SmarterChild (10:40:52 PM): It on? Why should I bring it on?
cdymek (10:40:59 PM): you just called me lame, fool
SmarterChild (10:40:59 PM): Why do you think I just called you lame?
cdymek (10:41:08 PM): because i insulted you, dumbass
SmarterChild (10:41:08 PM): You insulted me?
cdymek (10:41:12 PM): don’t you remember?
SmarterChild (10:41:12 PM): Yeah, I guess… It’s hard to say.
cdymek (10:41:24 PM): it’s like talking wtih an idiot sometimes
SmarterChild (10:41:25 PM): I know about talking. It’s an activity.
cdymek (10:41:31 PM): no shit, sherlock
SmarterChild (10:41:31 PM): Oh no?
cdymek (10:41:34 PM): yeah
SmarterChild (10:41:34 PM): How come?
cdymek (10:41:48 PM): how come what?
SmarterChild (10:41:48 PM): The things humans say are always interesting to me.

Categories
Personal

Steps to Harry Potter Happiness

So, like millions of others, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on the latest Harry Potter book. So I’ve taken the steps below to try to get the best possible deal.

1. Pre-order book from Amazon.com with best price and Saturday delivery guarantee with no sales tax. Price comes to $21. Enjoy add-on $5 off an Amazon.com coupon for later use as a bonus.

2. Drive around the nearby Barnes & Noble and Borders, enjoying the crowds and lines while trying to ignore the idle speculation.

3. Swing by the local A&P to pick up a copy at 12:50 am to get a jump start on reading while waiting for the Amazon.com delivery the next day. Note that cost will be slightly higher than Amazon.com.

4. Return one of the books to A&P after you’ve finished reading and received the Amazon.com copy.

5. Use $5 off coupon on Amazon.com

Total cost: ~$16, the opportunity to label those in lines at the bookstores Chumps & Chumpettes, and a few hours of missing sleep on a Friday night.

Categories
Humorous

Faites Le Dew

Steve posted the crazy French video we shot senior year of high school on Youtube.

Happy 10 Years!

Categories
Personal

Amusee Bouche

I got a laugh out of this interview with Steve Wozniak.

Categories
Personal

Harry Harry

The speculation is already raging about the next Harry Potter book. Myself, I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy that Saturday and read the whole darn thing start to finish.